I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I still struggle with what the heck I’m doing here. I don’t know anything more than an average person, average mom, or average athlete-turned-mom (and there are a lot of us out there). The thing I bring to the table is my willingness to talk about it, I think. I write down what I think about, and my hope is that someone else going through the same things can feel a camaraderie and understand that they are not alone. Sometimes I put stuff out there not knowing if anyone feels what I feel. Sometimes all I get back is advice, which is not really the point because I’m not asking for help and don’t like being told what to do. I’m not sure if that’s irony, since I don’t really feel like I’m telling people what to do, but I could see how one would see some irony or perhaps even *gasp* hypocrisy in that statement. Oh well. There’s more proof that I’m not a perfect person. 

All that is to say that I sort of know what I’m doing with the blog part, the part I actually like. The part of this I do NOT care for is the social media aspect. I post on Instagram a couple of times a week. Those usually end up being dumb selfies, and I’m starting to hate it. Interestingly enough, the act of taking and posting selfies has made me look at my own face enough that I don’t hate it anymore. I used to think I was really unphotogenic, and if you look back at some of the pics of me from college, you’ll see why. The headshot that was taken of me for rowing and is still up in that boathouse is TERRIBLE, and I’ll never be able to escape it or replace it. 

Aside from this one weird positive aspect of just getting used to my own face, I hate posting on social media because it can feel forced at times. If I haven’t posted in a couple of days, I feel like I should for some reason. I’ll post a dumb selfie of me on the erg… again… and it’ll get like 30 likes, which makes me feel sad all over again. Social media seemed necessary at the beginning to get people to read the blog, but hardly anyone comes to the blog via Instagram, so now they feel like two totally separate things, one of which I love but reaches very few people, and one of which I hate and sometimes people click the little heart under the photo, which makes me feel good – for a very short period of time. 

My takeaway is that I’m going to post when I feel like it and not post when I don’t feel like it. I say this knowing that it might be difficult. I acknowledge that there’s a weird pressure associated with posting all the time, and I definitely feel a compulsion to open the app, whether I’ve posted recently or not. Navigating this world is not something I want to spend a lot of intellectual energy on, so I’ll try to keep it simple. Easier said than done, I know, but that’s the intent. Stupid social media.