To be critical is natural for me. To look around and see what needs to be fixed did not seem like a negative point of view to me until recently, when it felt like all I could see around me was stuff that needed to be fixed. The tendency has long been in the form of self-criticism, plus some high expectations on my husband that aren’t always fair. But looking around at the world right now, along with what’s going on in my own household, it’s hard to see anything but bad. It’s hard to see anything except what needs to be fixed. I feel suffocated. 

When things are in balance in my life, this tendency is good. It makes me raise my level and helps me to challenge myself and be my best. I’d like to think it helps those around me – again, when life is in balance – and I help others strive to be their best in a loving and supportive way. I haven’t been balanced for some time now though. All of these critical tendencies are just eating my brain and guts from the inside. I feel roiled and unsettled, like nothing is good enough but that I can’t possibly take care of everything that needs to be taken care of. There’s too much. There’s way too much. 

I know the answer is to relax a little bit, to demand less of myself in a few different areas of life. I could let it just be ok that the house is a giant disaster of a mess right now instead of being constantly upset that it’s a giant disaster of a mess. I can’t clean it or keep up with it at the moment, so letting go of this one is the right move. If you’re going to judge me or be upset by it, just don’t come over. Please. 

We all face immense pressure. I know I feel it. I also have felt how unfair things are, how much the world is set up for men to be successful and how women have to fight and accept leftover space. I am lucky to have supportive men in my life but many women don’t. Let’s be a community of women who lift each other up and allow space to demand less of ourselves when things are too much. Let’s use our energy to lift each other up and challenge each other to be our own individual best selves in a safe way. And let’s chill about the little stuff. The big challenges are going to require all of that attention, so store it up for now. We can choose where we direct our talents and energies.