So where does running fit into all of this? 

It’s the best stress relief I have. 

I was signed up for a half marathon that took place about a week and a half into this cancer journey. I had trained and was really excited for the race. I wasn’t going to win, but it was the first race I’d signed up for since long before the pandemic. 

Then my boy and I were in the hospital for 9 days, and I hardly left the room that whole time. I was barely moving or eating. I think I lost 9 lbs. It wasn’t great. Running wasn’t top of mind. 

When we got home, it took me a few days to remember that running was a happy place. Maybe I felt guilty to even have a happy place with everything going on, but I needed something to keep me sane and centered. So I gave myself a restart. I ran slowly, stopped to walk when I needed to, made up the routes as I went. I enjoyed the run. 

After being in “training mode” (again, SO not a professional or super fast runner – I just enjoy the heck out of a training plan), I felt weird at first not knowing how far or even IF I’d run the next day. I needed to go easy on myself though. I got out of shape quickly. I couldn’t take great care of myself while we were in the hospital, and I didn’t want to run when we first came home. But after weeks of these kind and gentle runs, they’ve become the escape and meditative time I need them to be right now. Sometimes I listen to loud, fast music and forget real life for 40 minutes. Sometimes I listen to slow, gentle music and run slowly and gently as the sun comes up. And sometimes I listen to no music and let my thoughts run, to take themselves wherever they need without being directed. 

I’m not always convinced I want to run before I leave the driveway, but I’m always glad I went by the time I get back.

And now, I’ve decided to put these miles to good use and run for Cal’s Angels in the Fox Valley Half marathon. If you feel pulled, support this great cause and my admission to the race by donating here.