I hate cliches. I dislike catch phrases or saying things because lots of people say them. When celebrities go on spouting their pseudo-philosophies, I get really closed-minded and eye-rolly. What do these people know about day to day life of normal, non-super-rich folks? You enjoy your journey, Matthew McConaughey or any other celebrities trying to be philosophers. 

The problem is, sometimes cliches are right. This journey one, for example… It actually pains me to admit it, but I’m coming around. I’m not going to get a “It’s about the journey, not the destination” sign for my kitchen or anything, but I won’t roll my eyes when I hear people say it. 

I know I’m not original. That’s how this saying became cliche in the first place. Truisms usually start out as just true statements. But for me, this thought has taken root recently because of therapy. I started going to therapy not too long ago, and it has been really helpful. If you’re considering talking to a therapist, I can attest to the increased perspective and ability to think things through in the moment. 

I’ve long described myself as an all-or-nothing kind of person. Other terms for this mindset are black-and-white, good vs. bad, and so on. I have come to realize that I thought I would eventually work on myself long enough that I would get to a point where I would be “done,” like I’d be good enough where I had everything just about right, and I could just happily coast for the rest of my life. I think I thought that’s what adults were. 

When I write it down and imagine people reading that I thought this, I feel a little bit foolish, but it’s the truth. I wanted to work really hard to be the best at everything in as many possible aspects of life as I could, and then at some point I could be done working hard and could relax. This is where our favorite little phrase comes in though, eh? If I didn’t enjoy life until I had everything perfect, I would just never enjoy life. Again, I recognize that to some, this sounds so obvious and childish, but this is where I am, and I needed to talk to a therapist to recognize how it applies to my life. 

My all-or-nothing-ness would show up in day to day life for me in a few forms. A lot of it revolved around whether I thought I was good enough at something or not. Writing, for example. This blog has been difficult for me to maintain because I have no concept of what success for the endeavor is supposed to look like. The idea of doing something for enjoyment has long been a nice but mostly foreign idea for me. Another example: I run to achieve a time or calorie burn or weight goal. I like to tell myself that I enjoy running or (worse) erging, but the acts themselves rarely matter. It’s all about the ends, not the means. This is a fairly obsessive way of thinking, and it’s a big part of what’s made me who and what I am. 

Another dumb example: I hate bowling. I don’t love video games. I haaaaaate Bocce ball. The reason is because I’m not good at any of these activities. I’ve tried all of them a bunch of times of course, but they don’t come naturally to me, and I lose. In my past, I’ve become really unpleasant to be around because I’ve lost games that are supposed to be fun activities. I’m not proud of it. It’s not so much that I’m competitive with other people. I guess that’s part of it, but mainly, I don’t like losing. If I was defeated by my own previous score, I’d be equally pissed about it. 

After reading all of this, you may be thinking, dang that’s a lot of crazy. But everyone has their own crazy. I’m just telling you mine. This is why I try not to judge. This is the journey I’m on (gross), but if I don’t spend some time being honest and sharing what I’ve learned, I don’t know if I’d be able to find enjoyment along the way. Taking time to enjoy moments as they come is a challenge for me, rather than planning enjoyment ahead of time. I’m just glad I’m figuring this out now, while I’m still in the early stages of my journey.