Our younger son turns two today! 

Obviously, as a citizen of Earth, there have been some struggles in the past 2 years. Life looks dramatically different for us than it did this time in 2019, and that’s not only because of having a second child. It’s hard to even know where to start. 

First of all, at the risk of making a super obvious statement, having 2 kids is different than having 1 kid. There’s some juggling and balance work that doesn’t have anything to do with core strength and has everything to do with patience that I don’t come by naturally. There have been lots of moments of stepping back to take deep breaths if I catch myself in time, and maybe more moments of NOT catching myself in time, snapping or blowing up, and then feeling like a garbage parent afterwards. There have also been beautifully sweet moments that I wish could last forever, and so much love that I often think my heart might explode. It’s a mix.

So that was a big change. Then for obvious statement #2, there was a global pandemic that kept us all inside, adjusting to these new changes with no escape from one another and also providing a healthy dose of fear that someone or something was going to bring a potentially deadly virus into our household. Just that trifling matter. 

Many folks have had second children. Everyone just lived through a pandemic. Only a lucky group of us got to do it at the same time.  

All of that inside time and all of these massive changes led naturally to a reprioritization. I changed jobs, or more accurately, I left one job, was unemployed and went through an excruciating soul-search, and found another job 9 months later. A less dramatic gestation and rebirth. 

But here we are, celebrating our little boy’s second birthday, and all I can do is think back on these two years and shake my head a little. When I think of him, all of the memories feature joy and fascinating delight at watching a new life take shape. My memories of these past 2 years, in association with both of my kids, but especially with the younger no-longer-baby, are so incongruous with the rest of it. With all of the stress, anxiety, fear, anger, and so on that might easily be associated with 2020/21 in future times, these two boys still brought so much joy and love to me and my life. I daresay that ALL of the happy memories I have of the past two years have them at the forefront, with the rest of my family in scenes when it was possible. 

I didn’t mean for this to turn into a “be thankful for what really matters” type of cliched writing. I think toxic positivity is a problem, and people need to be able to see problems in front of them to make changes. Many people recently lost loved ones to COVID, the climate crisis is still terrifying, and certain media outlets will continue to blast out stories about the unsettling state of our political apparatus ad nauseum. But these bright spots need more of my mental attention. Both right now and always. 

And so, happy birthday, sweet boy. I hope the adults of the world can do better to make the world better and ready for you and your brother’s futures. In the meantime, keep up the good work of making your mom and dad laugh. And thank you.