I’ve reached halfway! 

I’m writing this BEFORE the end of the week, so I’m writing from a place of apprehension, knowing I have a 2k coming up in a couple of days. I say apprehension rather than fear, both because I think the term is pretty accurate and because I don’t want that story in my head. I don’t want the story of 2k fear to be something I spend time or thought on. I feel kind of too old for it now, so it almost seems a little silly, and I’ve learned enough recently, both in sports and in the rest of life, that I don’t have to accept thoughts as things that happen to me rather than something I control. 

This idea of “the stories we tell ourselves” is an interesting one. We get ideas of how we are or even who we are, forgetting that we change or feel differently at different times. Or we don’t realize that these stories are often not true. A story I’ve been favoring lately has been that I’m not good at high rates. It might be true that I don’t particularly like them right now because higher rates make me super tired, but it is not true that I’m not good at them. I need to work harder and more consistently at them.

Another story I told myself for a long time was that people didn’t take me seriously, which of course, became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I figured that I knew I was smart, and the people closest to me knew I was smart and capable, so what did it matter what others saw? What did it matter that there were some who said behind my back that I was “just a rowing coach”? It didn’t bother me until it really did, with a couple of men who thought they could push me around because they underestimated me. At first, I was hurt. I removed myself from the situation and from ever having to deal with them again, thankfully, but now I can look back and see that I could’ve behaved differently to demand more respect. I spent a lot of time thinking I needed to be humble about my accomplishments, forgetting that there are types of people who only respond to accomplishments being flaunted in their faces. I think that’s a gross way to behave, but these guys didn’t think I knew anything. They may have even thought they were doing me a favor in behaving the way they did toward me. I’ve been able to spend time with myself and have recognized that there is a balance. I was too humble (it was the greatest thing about me – little dad joke for you there), and it didn’t serve any purpose but to make certain people question me. 

So here I am, working my way through week 4 of 9, and I feel stronger and more confident than I have in a long time. It’s probably more because of the self-reflection than it is the erging, but the erging is pretty great too. Onward!