Alright, I know I’m not alone on this. I’m feeling pretty stagnant in my purpose for workouts. Coronavirus has taken its toll in all aspects of normal life. I normally have a race or two a year to keep me honest and motivated. For example, I did a couple of triathlons 2 years ago, then last year I was pregnant, so I was psyched about getting back into racing in 2020. Obviously, that didn’t work out, so I need to figure out something else.

Right now, I feel like less of an athlete and more of a fitness person. Let me say this as emphatically as possible without using caps and internet shouting – there is nothing wrong with fitness people. Holy cow, some fitness people are in shape. I mean, wow. I need a goal to get in really good shape, but there are some people who just live in a constant state of fitness. Some do exercise classes and are motivated by the camaraderie of the gym and classes. Some just enjoy being fit and the hearing from the people I know who live in this space. I believe it’s located in a place called “Discipline” in the province of “Self.” I’ve only visited. It seems pretty nice.

Let’s investigate camaraderie a bit. I almost never work out with other people. This was true before COVID. I have been running alone for years now, basically since our first son was born, because I ran during nap time. I would put baby boy down and leave as soon as I could, in hopes of being back home before he woke back up. I couldn’t really include another person in this plan unless they were willing to wait around for the nap procedure to take place, so basically unless someone was willing to be 100% on my schedule, which is hard to even ask of another person.

The other huge allure of running alone is its flexibility. A person can be anywhere and just start running, provided it’s a safe environment with sidewalks or at least roads without heavy car traffic. It doesn’t require tons of equipment or to be in any special location, like a gym. It also involves zero travel time or coordination, so it’s the most efficient use of time, which obviously appeals to a mom trying to stay within the confines of nap time. 

But it’s kind of lonely. I got to run with my sister in law a few weeks ago, and it was so awesome to spend some time with another person while exercising. It’s like I forgot about all of the time I spent on teams. I am not at all a loner by nature, but I guess lately, I just try to get the workout done and move on with the day because of children and trying to conserve time. I don’t want to work out alone, but I do want to just leave the house. I feel like this is something that will change once my kids are older. Time will sort things out. Finding a running and cycling group will become something I can prioritize, and I won’t need to worry about my kids needing me. It will eventually not be a big deal for me to leave to exercise for a couple of hours.

So I miss people, like teammates, and I need a goal. Also, if you follow my Instagram and my somewhat ridiculous, continual cataloging of my runs, you might know I’ve been sort of injured or at least in a lot of pain from running for the past few weeks. That is adding to the sense of stagnancy I’m feeling these days. I’m slowly working through this knee pain, figuring out the causes and resting and so on, so I feel like I’ve taken a giant leap backwards, mainly because I’m standing still instead of moving forward. As I recover, I’ll be looking into virtual races to set my sights on for the fall, and any suggestions would be welcomed!

Feeling stuck sucks. It’s the time we’re in, the uncertainty we’re experiencing, the fact that everything is shut down because people can’t wear masks because keeping others safe is unimportant to them. But being angry doesn’t help because it only makes ME and those who have to live with me feel down. It doesn’t change the minds or give knowledge to the people who need it. So here we are. Waiting. Just holding on.