This subject used to trip me up. I used to think of femininity as a bad thing, that to be feminine was to be weak or silly. I used to be annoyed by or look down upon female athletes who did their hair or makeup before showing up to compete. I thought it showed that they cared about how they looked more than they cared about competing or winning. I now think this is a flawed view. 

I don’t wear a lot of makeup. It’s probably because it made me uncomfortable to be really feminine when I was younger, and then I never got in the habit. I thought toughness and femininity couldn’t exist in the same context. I’m sure we could do some psychological digging into my life on this subject, but that’s not really the point of this. The point is for me (and maybe you, if this is your hang up too) to stop judging other women for wanting to feel good about themselves. On the rare occasion that I get dressed up and put on makeup (which is ESPECIALLY rare these days), I feel better about myself. Others react differently to me, or they react differently to my confidence level, and that also feels pretty good, though it isn’t the reason I do it. It’s like wearing a lucky shirt. Others might not understand it or even know the shirt is lucky, but if it makes you more confident, it doesn’t matter what other people see.

The bigger point is, a person can be both feminine AND a good athlete. The idea that a “real” athlete has to appear masculine is an unfortunate lie. This is why there need to be more women coaching women. There is more to toughness than manliness. I have never seen anything more ferocious than Gail Devers about to get in the starting blocks before a race. I LOVED watching her run as a kid. She was strong, she was beautiful, she had the coolest fingernails I had ever seen, and I was always pretty sure she was going to win. I wanted to be fast like her. How she looked fell away from my consciousness once I watched her race.

I used to get really upset when girls would wear ribbons in their hair for soccer games. I told myself I hated it because it was “girly,” but I think in reality, I thought it was childish. I thought it distracted from the competition part of the sport. The thing is, the girls with the ribbons always looked like they were having fun, at least when we were all little kids and playing soccer. And wasn’t that the point of sports for little kids? To have fun? 

There’s a decent amount of talk about the double standard that women face. This is of course true for women in athletics as well. There’s no right answer to avoid the judgement. A woman is going to be judged by someone if she doesn’t wear makeup or try to look pretty if she’s on tv, as these world-class athletes are. She is also going to be judged by jerks like me if she does. The only answer is that she has to not care at all about what you or I or gross dudes watching on tv think, and she has to go out and compete. It’s not easy for them, I’m sure, but that’s the only way. 

I think the strongest a person can be is when they are truly at ease with themselves. Acting a way that isn’t true to your nature, even if it gives you a path to a result you think you want, is bound to cause internal friction and anxiety at some point. Things can only bend so far until they break. If you want to be or act feminine, do it. If you don’t, don’t. I recognize it’s not that simple in practice. I know there are external pressures, and that sometimes you feel like being feminine and other times you don’t. The thing is, it’s not up to anyone but HER how she, the athlete on TV or on the field or on the track or in the boat, should look while she is competing. It’s not up to you. She doesn’t care what you or I think because she’s awesome and in the zone and ready to race, to fight. Part of her pre-competition ritual is to decide how she will look while performing. Once it’s done, she moves on. She prepares. She is prepared.

I used to listen to whatever music my parents played when I was little, so I grew up with the oldies. I’ll leave you with some Ricky Nelson lyrics from his song, Garden Party. It’s the cheesiest song from the 70s, and I have loved it forever. This whole post is about not judging, so I’m trusting you with this:

“Yes it’s alright now. I learned my lesson well. You see you can’t please everyone, so you, you gotta please yourself.”