Ok, here’s where I say some things people might disagree with. I’m not trying to lose friends over this. I just feel pretty strongly about the fact that right now (and always) in this country (and maybe in the whole world), it is more difficult for women to have a fair shot in the working world, in athletics, in many arenas.

Ok, listen. I am aware that racial inequality is a huge issue and the bigger issue of the moment. I am also aware that Pride month just ended, and the LGBTQ+ community needs support and attention for things to move forward. I am not qualified to speak for those groups. I have love and respect for those causes and feel deeply passionate about equality for all people. Someone’s skin color or sexual orientation informs each person’s experiences, but it should not limit their opportunities. I do not feel qualified to write constantly about these causes, not because they aren’t my fight. They are everyone’s fights. Equality is everyone’s responsibility. I do not, however, have the life experience to write anything new or worth reading. This is the whole point of the #amplifymelanatedvoices and other similar movements on social media.

I am also not at all saying that all women need to rise up against all men and declare men the enemy. I’m just saying that women shouldn’t declare EACH OTHER the enemy due to their frustrations with the unfairness we’re up against. 

I will say this again: the main people holding women back from equal pay, equal representation, equal everything happen to be men and the society we live in that was created by them. In light of this, why would women not support each other as much as possible? I will now share a few anecdotes that illustrate what I’m trying to say: 

First anecdote. During the run-up to the 2016 election, you may recall that one of the candidates was a woman… A young woman I knew was very anti-Hillary/pro-Bernie. I was very pro-Hillary, not only because she was a woman but also because I thought she would be an excellent president. (Don’t stop reading. We can still be friends if we disagree on politics.) This other young woman knew I was pro-Hillary, but then, as now, I tried to be accepting of others’ beliefs and don’t feel like I was trying to push my political beliefs on her. I asked why she disliked Hillary Clinton so much. Her response was that she “seemed like a bitch”. That was basically the extent of the argument. My main emotion after that conversation was just disappointment. I couldn’t convince this young woman that being a “bitch” wasn’t a reason to not be president, and this young woman and others like her probably didn’t think about the fact that if Hillary was a man and behaved the same exact way and said the same exact things, no one would call this candidate a bitch. They might think that male version of Hillary was an intelligent, competent politician. Or maybe they would think he was an a**hole, but they might still vote for him. No one would choose not to vote for a man because they disliked that man’s demeanor if they thought him a good politician. It’s a battle she had to fight that a male counterpart never would. 

Second anecdote. I do not work in an office environment anymore. When I did, I had awesome (female) bosses. Other women I know who do work in office environments seem to find themselves in competition with female superiors. Another young woman I know is incredibly smart and competent. She works really hard, is obsessed with detail, and would probably be pretty intense in a work environment. This is a woman you want working in your office if you want things done well. She constantly struggles with female superiors who feel threatened by her. WHY? Why would the first reaction be to feel threatened when these female superiors are in perfect position to help my friend in her career and set her up to do well in the future? Why is their first reaction to assume a young woman beneath her is trying to take her job? I assume the answer is that these women feel threatened by everything. They’ve worked their way up, had to put family second to get where they are, and probably have had men second-guessing their every move their entire career. It’s not fair for any of them. Obviously the solution isn’t to put younger women down and make things hard for them too, but one can understand why a woman in that position might feel threatened. 

Final anecdote. At one time, I did work in an environment dominated by men. I was the only woman on staff, and I was young as well as dumb and lacking awareness. I basically accepted a promotion that came with a huge increase in duties but no increase in compensation. I actually did have the awareness to ask a superior about this, but I didn’t play the game right, and though I was told “no” politely enough to my face, it had its ramifications. I had no one I could turn to, no one who had my back. Toxic work environments affect men too, I know, but the boys’ club atmosphere was integral to the culture of this place. But I didn’t fight. I didn’t stay there much longer. I didn’t do anything to improve the culture for any women who were to come after me. I coach girls now and hope to have a positive influence on the kids I’m around, but I can’t go back in time to that previous job and do anything to change it, and I still feel bad about that. 

So I know this post isn’t backed by hard facts and researched stats. My evidence is anecdotal and small-scale. But I also hear stories like this over and over, and I see it happen time and time again as well. Plus, the research is out there. I mean, the issue has a Wikipedia page. An awesome thing called the Institute for Women’s Policy Research exists to seek out inequalty. The National Organization for Women also fights for equality in the workplace. You might have your own experience too. I am not the first nor the most eloquent to write about this. All I’m trying to say is that women need to support each other if things are ever going to get better for all of us. Things are certainly better than they were a few decades ago, but this isn’t a time to rest on laurels and stop where we are. Do it on the small scale, do it on the large scale, but do something.