I’ve been thinking about courage and bravery a lot lately. I haven’t always been a courageous or confident person. I’ve been second-guessing myself and self-editing for as long as I can remember. I have looked for validation and have sought confidence from other people. I don’t think I’m alone in this or anything. Somewhere around middle school, everyone’s confidence takes a hit, both boys and girls. It’s part of the transition out of childhood, awareness of the world without the maturity of self-awareness to go along with it, but it takes until a person is in their 30s to regain the confidence and fulfillment experienced at a young age. So I’m pretty much fitting that charted line. I feel WAY better about myself now than I did in my 20s, mainly because of how much less I care about others’ perceptions. I also thank motherhood for this. 

First of all, motherhood has made me SO MUCH WEIRDER. I was always probably on the weird side, but I was able to keep a tight lid on it around most non-family members. Then I had a baby, and research shows that talking to and around a baby a lot helps their speech development. If you’re not yet a parent, you should know that talking to a baby is basically talking to yourself. Out loud. And you do it pretty much all the time because you’re willing to do absolutely anything for this thing that literally came from your body. The early months of parenting set you up for long bouts of conversations with yourself out loud.

Eventually, the child starts being able to communicate, which is fun but often feels like trying to have a conversation with a tornado. It’s not that the tornado doesn’t like what you have to say – it’s just that it’s too busy destroying your house to listen. At some point, you take the natural disaster to the grocery store and belt it in a shopping cart. You then do anything you can to keep its attention so it doesn’t either grab things off the shelves while you’re picking out cereal or see something and start shrieking over “food” in a colorful box designed to attract them and shrivel their newly sprouted teeth. For me, this involved singing. Yep, I sang out loud in the grocery store to entertain my son. I do not care. I did this a lot. The thing is, I am now tempted to sing in the grocery store when I’m there on my own. I’m also tempted to dance. I once sang “Hungry Eyes” in the snack aisle while on a grocery store alone. It is what it is.

Aside: when I was little, grocery stores didn’t play real music. They played terrible versions of popular songs without any words to them. Why did they do this? Just to frustrate little kids? I honestly want to know the purpose of that garbage. The grocery stores I’ve been to in the past few years now play real music with actual words. Hence the singing and potential for dancing. 

Other than the weirdness, parenthood has brought only good changes to my life. Singing in the grocery store might not sound like an act of courage, but it’s an example of bravery training that I didn’t realize I was doing. Prior to becoming a mom, I would’ve cared more about what the strangers in the grocery store thought of me than my desire to sing a song out loud. Singing to my son helped change the perspective. I’m not getting up on stage any time soon, but I care a lot less about judgment because I practiced being brave in that situation. 

I’ve gained perspective in decision-making, and I’m more confident in my decisions. This is another thing I’ve practiced without realizing it since I became a mom, especially since the older one can talk back and question me. What I am NOT saying is that I make a snap decision and then stick to my guns, right or wrong. What I AM saying is that I assess situations MUCH more quickly, and then yes, I make a decision and stick to my guns. Sometimes I still get it wrong. I’m not a perfect parent. But if I decide it’s not TV time, no amount of persuading or crying or tantrum throwing is going to change that decision. This has helped me make decisions in other parts of my life and feel confident about them because I’ve practiced trusting myself. 

I know these things might not sound like a big deal at first glance, but it’s a big change in my life that will have long term effects. I just made a big career change. It was hard and sad, but I believe it was right, and I never would’ve done it without practicing bravery every day as a mom. I’m trusting things will turn out ok because I’m confident in my own decision. 

I think it would help to get a better idea of what courage and bravery actually are when it’s not put to use pulling someone from a burning building. What is everyday bravery? Let’s think about that next.