I mentioned a few posts back that performance doesn’t seem to be the point of these workouts anymore. So what is the point? If I’m not trying to reach a goal and perform at my best, why go to the trouble? Well, there are some obvious answers and some deeper answers to this one. 

Obvious answers are: I want to be healthy and live forever; I STILL haven’t learned how to regulate my weight by actually controlling what I eat, so if I don’t exercise, I will still eat allllll of the snacks and cannot be trusted with cookies in the house; I plan to wear a bathing suit at some point in the not-so-distant future and want to feel ok about that. (Why is Easter candy the most delicious of holiday candy?) 

Here are the deeper answers: 

I still have goals. I’ve accepted that I’m not making a national team or going to the Olympics. I will still sign up for some 10ks and hopefully another triathlon in my near future though. Setting near-term and longer term goals is absolutely necessary for me, and then I can set other goals for each race. Can I place in my age group? Maybe, but that would be really tough, so I’d definitely need to put in the time training. Can I set a personal best time? Potentially, especially for the things I’m newer at, like triathlons. This is another sport I wish I’d discovered earlier in life, though I may not have been disciplined enough to do the work it takes to be good until recently. 

It’s also a lot more about how I feel. I’m enjoying the process a lot more than I ever did. My watch might say that I’m running slower than I did when I was 25, but I feel better about it now and don’t take it for granted. I did dumb stuff when I was 25 anyway. 35 is better. I actually enjoy running DURING the run sometimes, rather than just the feeling I get afterwards. I like feeling my body moving. Swimming or biking might be better examples of this, though I haven’t had many opportunities to swim or bike recently. Moving through the water and feeling my arms pulling me, feeling my core engaged and my legs pushing me forward – this is an incredible combination of movements that I thoroughly enjoy. Biking is fast and just super fun. For some reason, I’m always in utter disbelief of how many calories my watch tells me I’ve burned after biking because it doesn’t feel like as much work. It feels like the bike does the work and I just get to ride along. Turns out, that’s not true! But the bike tricks my brain, and I love it.

The biggest reason, though, is my mental state. Exercise time is really me-time. It’s time I spend for myself that I feel no guilt about, at least not once I get going. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of other things I enjoy doing, but for some reason, most other activities away from family or work responsibilities have some guilt attached, like I should be getting back to them as quickly as I can. Part of my mind is saying, Ok, you did this crafting thing for 20 minutes – that’s enough now, right? Exercise transports me, mentally and physically, to a different place. It gets all of my attention, and I can get into the zone. 

The zone is magical. I explain it like this: the thinking part of my brain gets turned off during time spent in the zone. There is no stress or anxiety there. Honestly, there are no children or husband or parents or coworkers there. I am the only one there. Me and my running body. (Descartes, anyone?) 

When I get back, all of the people and all of the stress and problems still exist, but if I was able to step away from all of those things for 45 minutes and my world didn’t collapse, nothing can really be all that bad, right? Whatever is going on can be dealt with, and my kids are fine without me for a little while. 

So this is the point. This is the Why now. Performance is still important, but I am aware that I’m past my athletic peak. (I don’t dwell on it too much because I get a little sad.) I still need this time in the zone to push my body while gaining perspective. I’m sure endorphins have something to do with it. With perspective and endorphins and a little bit of muscle fatigue in my system, I can tackle whatever my riled up kids can throw at me. Baby is crying and needs a nap? No problem. Lullabies and shushing are my jam. Older child is hungry/thirsty/tired/antsy all at once? On it. A good chase around the basement followed by crackers and milk and a nap are what I live for. I am confident, strong, and capable of balancing this.